I haven't been myself for many years. Physically, I mean. If someone I went to school with or knew when I was in my late teens were to pass me on the street, I doubt they'd recognize me. Or, my greatest fear is that they WOULD recognize me but in their eyes I'd see their shock at the weight I've gained. That would be mortifying.
Recently, as I mentioned in one of my recent blogs, I've been attempting to grow my hair long, back to the length it was about 20+ years ago. Not an easy task, after having a very short cut for years. I just feel like it's not the real me with that short cut. I get lots of compliments on it, but in my mind I just have that doubt that it's really me. When I look at picture of myself, getting beyond seeing the size I am is difficult, but so is looking at myself as a whole ... it's just not me.
And of course the weight loss. I mentioned in a recent Factful Friday that I used to be athletic. Hard to believe, I know. I really miss that. Any sport I attempted (other than high jump - I'm vertically challenged) I could pretty much tackle with some success. It was a great feeling ... being active, and being slim. I never had to worry about where to buy my clothes, or if they'd have it in my size ... anything I tried on always fit.
Of course, the years have changed me and my life. I wouldn't trade it for the world, don't get me wrong. I love the life I have ... I just don't love me. The physical me. Things are very different now, and I realize I just don't have the time to be that active anymore. But looking back at how great I felt, even though I've always had self-esteem issues, I know I felt better physically. And looked way better. I need to get back to that old me. I know I'll never see 18 or 20 again (personally, I wouldn't want to go back to that age) but I can certainly get back to that physically fit "old me", even though I'm in my 40s now. It's doable! I'll be back to the "old me" soon!! Just a much older "old me"!! LOL
Thanks for reading,
Janet xo
I started growing my hair again 1.25 years ago. Now it is long and a lot has changed. I feel like Sampson. The longer my hair gets the stronger I feel.
ReplyDeleteBut, I honestly, I can't remember you with long hair....!!
It was really long (past my shoulders) when the kids were little. I started growing it before Terry and I were married, kept letting it grow after Britt was born, and by the time T.J. came along it was getting pretty long ... I kept letting it grow, got a perm (eek) and lived with long hair for over 2 years ... just after we moved out here I got it all cut off. Wish I never had.
ReplyDeleteOk, I remember from your wedding photo how long it was.
ReplyDeletePerms...yes, who remember the Toni's? They stunk!
Yes, sadly, my hairdresser from the 80s passed away a few years ago, she was only in her 50s but died of lung cancer. Sadly, it was probably from inhaling all those horrible perm fumes!
ReplyDelete